The Sundance Chronicles
by Psychopathus Rex
Summary: Very stupid and OOC. :P Featuring my reference-turned-OC cat Sundance, his alleycat friends, S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers. A collection of short stories.


The door slid open, revealing S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Clay Quartermain.

"Dr. Pym," he greeted, shaking the scientist's hand. "Glad you could make it."

"Before we go any further, Quartermain, let's get this straight...You want me to talk to a cat?"

A sheepish look crossed the blond government operative's face and he rubbed the back of his neck ruefully. "Uh, Special Agent Mockingbird was knocked out cold in a battle with a supervillain today; she's been put in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s ICU and is currently in a medically-induced coma to prevent any further trauma."

Hank raised his eyebrows. _Clint's not gonna be happy._

"...She has a cat. That cat somehow appeared during the fight, and it keeps meowing at us..." Quartermain grimaced. "Our science team is comprised of pretty imaginative staff. They think the cat's trying to talk to us."

"Insects speak on frequencies I can reach, so..." Hank frowned in thought, realizing where Quartermain was going. "So you want me to talk to the cat with my helmet."

Quartmain shrugged. "It's the only way we're going to figure out what happened. The villain's not talking."

"Shouldn't S.H.I.E.L.D. have a truth serum or something?" Hank shook his head. "You're lucky I'll do anything to get out of the mansion. Hawkeye, Panther, and I have been trying to sleep off...headaches...and the rest of the team is drunk out of their minds."

"I'm ignoring that. So can you talk to the cat?"

"Well, last night I was putting the finishing touches on a second helmet that will allow me to communicate on wavelengths mammals use to talk. Canine, feline, caprine, you name it." The superhero proudly patted a gleaming helmet nearly identical to his Ant-Man helmet. "I can't understand what they say at first, but I can record it and translate it back later."

Quartmain forced a smile. "That's all we'll need, Doctor. The cat's in there, his name's Sundance."

"Time to give the helmet a test run." Hank confidently entered the room, pulled a recording device from his belt, and put on the helmet. "Sundance? Hi...I need you to answer some questions for me."

* * *

"Your science team isn't as loony as you think, Quartermain. The cat meowed back to all my questions. I'll take the data back to the lab, rerun it through the port I use to talk to him, and match it up with the video file." Hank seemed optimistic as he piloted the Quinjet back to the mansion.

"Hank! Hank! Hunk! Hunky Hank! Heehee!"

Hank was ambushed by none other than Jan van Dyne as he attempted to quietly sneak back into his lab. She hooked her arms around his neck and leaned in for a sloppy kiss.

"Uh, I'd love to, Jan, but I really should be going." Hank ducked out of her arms, his face turning an interesting shade of red.

"No! Don't-*hic*-go!" Jan shouted after him, but did nothing to stop her fleeing teammate other than sit on the floor cross-legged and sulk.

"Phew. Avoided taking advantage of Jan while she was drunk, got to my lab...all's well that ends well." Hank sighed. He pulled out the chip with the audio file on it and scanned it into the microphone within the helmet's mouthpiece. Before long, the helmet's wireless connection to the screen in front of him revealed a full audio file scanned into words. Hank grinned, giddy at the thought of being able to talk to animals. The sound program was gradually filling in the words with sounds captured from the original vocalizations. It would be as if Sundance was speaking in English with his regular voice.

68% loaded...

Hank leaned forward. Past the halfway point!

85% loaded...

Hank twiddled his thumbs nervously. Please work please work please work.

97% loaded...

Hank inhaled deeply. Come on, come on...

100% loaded. Conversion to audio complete.

"Yes!" Hank pumped his fist in the air with joy. "Alright! Pair this up with the video..." _click, click_ "...What did you say, Sundance?"

_click_

* * *

_"Sundance? Hi...I need you to answer some questions for me."_ Hank settled into the chair opposite of the one Sundance was sitting on.

_"Finally. Someone who speaks the language. It's a pleasure."_ Sundance twitched his whiskers in disdain and tightened his tail around his paws.

_"I'll take it that's a yes. We'll start with the big one: why were you at the fight?"_

_"I followed My Lady there. You naked monkeys call her Bobbi." _The tom cat's greenish-blue eyes flashed and he glanced around, obviously bored.

_"Explain what happened."_

_"She came home with a hangover and paper airplanes sticking out of her clothes. She opened a window and crashed on the couch. Then she said, 'I'm late for work!' so she suited up and left. I like to roam while she's gone, so I climbed out the window and went exploring. Up on the rooftop, I basked in the sun with Fleur, Hayate, and SkeeBall for a while before I heard My Lady yelling. So I left my friends where they lay and decided to check it out. She was down on the street whacking some loser with her sticks, but said loser conked her on the head. I jumped down and bit the guy's ankles. Then your gang showed up and took him out. I tried to tell them what happened, but they just yelled at me. So I snuck into their fancy ship when they weren't looking and meowed like crazy. Finally they start to catch on. And here we are now. It's amazing that fate has brought us together." _The end was said with a somewhat sarcastic tone, as if Sundance couldn't care less.

Hank smiled pleasantly as if he had any idea what the cat was saying. _"Okay. Anything to add?"_

_"Yes. Pardon if I wax poetic, but Fleur...whew! Silky silvery stripes, eyes like twin pools of sapphire, a slender, sculpted build, and her whiskers are a work of art! If only I could work up the courage to tell her that, eh? Oh, and Justin Bieber sucks."_

_"Thank you, Sundance. This will help a lot." _Hank stood, held out a hand, and Sundance tapped it with a paw, dipping his head in respect.

* * *

_A week and several helmet upgrades later..._

"Thank you, Dr. Pym. It helps to know what actually happened when we submit the report." Quartermain took the CD from Hank and nodded with a lop-sided grin of relief.

"No problem, Quartermain. Let me know if you need anything else." Hank waved goodbye and entered the Quinjet. "Set coordinates: 221 B Chef Street." The Quinjet registered the command with a cheerful autotune chime and soon Hank was on the rooftop of the apartment.

He climbed down the ladder attached to the side of the building and rang the doorbell, putting on his mammal-talker helmet.

_"Key under the mat!"_ a voice called from inside, and Hank plucked the key out from under the tweed Welcome sign.

He entered the apartment cautiously. A single table defined the living room, and on top was a chessboard, lined with the respective pieces.

_"I've been expecting you." _Sundance meowed, clawing his way to the top of a stack of phonebooks that made up his booster seat. _"Come, sit, play."_

Hank plopped down in the chair across from Sundance, eyeing his opponent thoughtfully. "I underestimated you. I didn't know animals could learn chess."

_"Oh, most can't. I have a lot of free time with My Lady always being out of the house."_ Sundance replied. _"I should inform you I'm considered the Fischer of the Animal Kingdom."_

Hank pushed his pawn one square forward. "Challenge accepted."

* * *

Well.

This was a very crack-addled story, and for that, I apologize.

But I couldn't get the idea of Mockingbird having a cat named Sundance out of my head, and this seemed like the only way to solve the problem. I guess this will be a little collection of one-shots about Sundance interacting with Bobbi, S.H.I.E.L.D., and the Avengers. LOL.

**disclaimer**-If I owned the Avengers, no one would like them.

Fleur, Hayate, and SkeeBall are alleycats and my disturbed brainchildren, as is Sundance. They do not exist in any Marvel continuity. :)


End file.
